"LOVE IS TOO WEAK A WORD FOR WHAT I FEEL-- I LUURVE YOU, YOU KNOW, I LOAVE YOU, I LUFF YOU, TWO F'S!"

That quote is from the Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall and it describes perfectly how I feel about it. I lurve it, loave it, luff it.

If my personality was a movie, it would be a Woody Allen movie. If I were older, Woody Allen would probably be my husband. If a biopic of my life was made, it would have to be written, produced and directed by Woody Allen. Hell, I would even cast him to play me. (In a bob, a discobra and a tutu, of course).

From start to finish, this movie made me hoot and holler and really ask myself “How did he come up with this?”. The script is so hilarious, witty, zany and delicious. The simple life story of a couple is told absolutely extraordinarily, with humour so sincere that anyone who has ever been in a mildly dysfunctional relationship can understand. Having been in a few mildly dysfunctional relationships myself, I definitely understood the movie's humour. Amen.

The strongest forces of storytelling are at work in this movie!

Woody Allen is the Gaga of film making. Let’s look at the evidence. Mr. Allen uses so many different storytelling devices: asides (talking directly into the camera or breaking the fourth wall in theatre drives me kind of insane. But with Mr. Allen, there is love in heaven, all will be forgiven), animation, subtitles and just plain genius that’s brilliantly executed. Not to mention, every aspect that contributes to the plot is hysterical. Alvie (Woody Allen) grows up in a house situated under a rollercoaster... Who would think of that?! His character also sneezes into cocaine in the movie, which I read was actually accidental but was kept in the film. What makes this movie so magical is that it’s so SIMPLE. Annie Hall basically consists of long shots of people talking. That’s it. And it’s brilliant.

And don’t even get me started on Diane Keaton’s outfits in the film! Her iconic, distinctive look in the movie consists of layering over sized, mannish blazers or vests with huge trousers or long skirts, boots and ties. Diane came up with it first, Avril. You’re not fooling anyone. After some research on Google (an invaluable tool my mother swears by to find anything from cooking recipes to the meaning of Life itself), I found out that the outfits that Ms. Keaton wore in the film were actually her own clothes!  

One of my favourite quotes from the movie definitely brought me back to my days touring with Spring Awakening: (The next sentence is rated R. Stop reading right now if you are underage and do not have a legal guardian present. I’m serious. I warned you. If you keep reading, I’m going to assume you are of age. Alright. Carry on.) “Hey! Don’t knock masturbation! It’s sex with someone I love!” We got a Hanschen in da house.

In other news, I wanted to share with all my fellow Canadians, that during the holidays, on English and French networks in Canada, I will be seen in a McDonald’s commercial! I was on set two weeks ago and boy, what a thrill it was! Special shout-out to McDonald’s fries. So salty, so perfect. Keep your eyes peeled and let me know if I come up on your TV screen! I’m extremely glad that my magical haircut will finally be making national television.  

As I type this, my not-anymore-neighbours are on the plane to sunny Los Angeles, California. They are both brilliant Comedians! (Watch their YouTube famous comedy sketch here! Over 6 million views!)

As I was watching Annie Hall and daydreaming, I thought about what my new neighbour was going to look like: tall, handsome, badass, well-spoken and preferably blond and muscular like Sam from Glee... At our first meeting, he will knock at my door and introduce himself. But soon enough, our relationship will take a dangerously passionate turn. Can you imagine? Neighbours by day, lovers by night?... Then, as I said goodbye to my two lovely neighbours last night, I asked who was moving in and they said: “A single older lady”. I heard “single” and got really excited but the rest definitely shattered my dreams.

There are many places to find love, dear reader, but it seems at this point in time, it will not be my new neighbour.  Unless she convinces me that she’s not too old for me and seduces me with the idea of making me baked goods all day, every day, seven days a week... But who knows? She might be tall, handsome, badass, well-spoken, blond and muscular like Sam from Glee...

BOTTOM LINE: I’m going to be in a McDonald’s commercial and my new neighbour is most likely not going to be the love of my life. Also, Annie Hall instantly finds a spot on my “favourite movies” list. Three words: simple, quirky, irresistible (the movie, not me). It’s comedy everyone will love! Watch it with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or your boyfriend/girlfriend’s best friend, or lover, or your hot neighbour, or whoever strikes your fancy.  

MOVIE TRIVIA:

1. What gets trapped behind the refrigerator in the movie?                                                

2. Where do Alvie and Annie initially  meet?

3. What’s the first song Annie sings in the film?

(Answers at the bottom of this blog! No cheaters allowed. But if you haven’t seen the movie, be my guest.)

FUN FACT: Did you know, although Woody Allen has denied this, that the movie contains many biographical similarities to his life? Woody Allen and Diane Keaton (whose real name is Diane Hall) had dated before the movie was made...

RATING:  5 Annies out of 5!

Well, “I’m due back on planet earth”, where are you headed?

Party Time.

Mc-D

Watch the trailer of Annie Hall right here!

Movie Trivia Answers:

1. A Lobster  2. Playing Tennis  3. “It Had to Be You”

"IT'S A STRANGE WORLD, ISN'T IT?"

Yes. Yes, it is a very strange world. Especially if you’ve seen the cult classic Blue Velvet, a film by David Lynch.

Earlier this month, I watched Mulholland Drive and attempted to watch Eraserhead, because Spring Awakening director Michael Mayer had told us that Moritz’s hair is based on the title character. When I say “attempt” I mean I watched the first 15 minutes and couldn’t deal. Eraserhead was far too disturbing in the first 15 minutes and let me tell you that the images in those first 15 minutes still haunt me and this is coming from a gal who sat through Paranormal Activity without flinching. (However, I was unable to sleep for a week.)

David Lynch’s movies aren’t scary per se, but they are mighty disturbing and unsettling. His images are really nightmarish. I found myself looking away from the screen many times during Blue Velvet, because I didn’t want the images to be lodged in my subconscious forever, because I felt they definitely had the power to go there.

I had prepared dinner before popping in the VHS (Yes, I still own a VCR player). (Tangent: Isn’t it weird how you don’t put a VCR into a VCR? You put a VHS into a VCR. Oh, the mysteries of life.) Right, dinner: I made myself Indian Mango Fake-Chicken (I’m a vegetarian) with Rice and Naan Bread. I was really looking forward to this meal because I had really applied myself. Mama D would have been proud.

Blue Velvet’s opening scene takes place in a pretty suburban town and a man falls to the ground while watering his plants.  The images are really bright and colourful. BUT, I have learned that pretty images don’t last long in Lynch’s movies.

Sure enough, the camera digs into the ground to reveal big, disgusting beetles roaming around in the dirt. Gross. I have a complex that when I see bugs, I imagine them right away in my mouth. I understand that this is a very strange statement, but I feel it comes from something that happened in my childhood. I was in Florida with my family as a little girl and found a dead dried bug near a plant. I guess I must have been hungry, because I picked it up and started chomping on it. Daddy D asked me what I was eating and I showed him the dried mutilated bug in my hand and he thankfully scooped it out of my mouth. Needless to say, I have a bug eating complex. And as I write this, you have no idea how difficult it is to NOT imagine bugs in my mouth. (To make matters worse, after a phone conversation with my mother today, she confirmed it was a beetle that I bit into, ironically enough.)

MOVING ON. That definitely cut my appetite and I considered turning off the movie. But then I considered the metaphorical aspect of the image: On the surface, it looks like a perfect suburban town, but underneath lies the sinful creatures of the underworld. Right and Wrong, Good and Evil are recurring themes in the movie.

Eventually, the young, handsome leading man (Kyle MacLaghlan) finds a severed human ear in a field and love (Laura Dern, not the ear. Although it would make for an interesting plot twist). P.S. Through all of this, I am still trying to eat dinner. The young man, Jeffrey, then decides to find the origin of this crime throughout the movie and this gets him into all sorts of trouble.   

What a strange movie and an unsettling mystery. The crazy thing is that it almost didn’t even feel like a movie, it felt more like a nightmare. Lynch is considered a “post-modern” movie-maker, which is, I think, a great excuse for nothing making sense. Nonetheless, I did really enjoy the movie and especially Dennis Hopper’s performance in the role of the ultimate sadist villain, Frank Booth.

In the end, I have no interpretation to offer for this movie. I think that David Lynch’s movies are works of art and don’t need to have a specific meaning or interpretation. We take a ride into his twisted imagination for a couple of hours and that is enough for me. The only problem is that these images really stay with you. (God only knows how I am watching all these super creepy movies all alone in the darkness of my apartment and still find the courage to turn off the lights in my bedroom at night.)

If my asymmetrical bob would take the form of a movie, it would be a David Lynch film.

BOTTOM LINE: This is not a date movie. And it is definitely not for the weak of heart. I suggest watching it alone in your apartment one night or watching it with someone you want to impress or look smarter than and discuss whatever you’ve read in this blog. Oh yeah, and this movie is definitely rated R for a reason.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Kyle Riabko was named after the actor Kyle MacLachlan? On his 23^rd  birthday this past September, Mr. MacLaghlan actually gave Mr. Riabko a call to wish him well!

BLUE VELVET- Rating: 4 yards of blue velvet fabric out of 5  

MULHOLLAND DRIVE- Rating: 4 Roads out of 5

Sleep tight, don't let David Lynch bite.

Protect your children.

The D 

Watch the trailer of BLUE VELVET right here!

An Introduction to the Ultimate Actor's Blog: The Most Fun You'll Ever Have Reading

This morning felt like any other morning.

8:45am- I wake up, check twitter and try to think of anything witty or cute or mildly entertaining to tweet. I come up with “What are you having for breakfast?”... Which, I guess, falls into the “cute” category.

9:15am- Still in my cartoon owl jammies, I decide to get creative and make French toast with Strawberries for breakfast. While I devour the delicious eggy bread and real Canadian maple syrup, I try to think of anything else I could tweet that’s witty or cute or mildly entertaining.

9:30am- I have my multi-vitamin and extra Calcium and Vitamins C, D and B. (Vitamin B is my personal favourite because it is a rather large gummy that I very much enjoy chewing.)

9:45am- I check my e-mail. 5 Facebook notifications, a note from my agent, a handful of new Twitter followers (I’m at 1, 592!) and Mama D.  She has an idea. You see, I’ve been making my way through the best movies of all time, so my mama-who-bore-me suggested in her e-mail that I start a blog like Julie from Julie and Julia, who goes through all of Julia Child’s recipes and blogs about it. Thanks for the idea Mama-who-bore-me. In this case, you have not made me so bad or sad and I’m relieved to say that there will be sleep in Heaven and Bethlehem.

10am- Nothing is the same ever again. A new moment in the short history of my life so far: I start a blog.

And so, dear reader, I am making my way through all the “movies you must see before you die” and would love to share my thoughts and hear yours! I’m going to attempt to rate and review these movies, as well as plays I’ve been seeing and reading, and, of course, I’ll keep you posted on what I’ve been up to in the big T Dot. Because sometimes, 140 characters is not enough.

Love and Blue Wind Forever.

Let the party begin.

Steffi D